Grief. It sneaks up on me. Things seem to be somewhat normal and smack! Big, ugly tears are rolling down my face. As my heart is racing from the anguish of loss, my mind tries to analyze the why and the when. Why does this still hurt? When will the pain subside? “Time heals all wounds.” Who said that? I don’t think they had buried a parent. Some days, the wound is trying to scab over and other days salt is poured into the open sore. The sting of the salt is so strong that I can taste it.
Almost anything can stir up the hurt and tears, from good news to bad news. Recently, I was diagnosed with macular degeneration. According to the doctor, I am not as old as most people who receive this diagnosis. Ugh. As my mind swirled with thoughts of possible blindness and wondering if I could learn braille, I wanted to call my daddy. Next month marks 2 years since he went to glory. When do I stop wanting to call him? I haven’t even deleted his name and number from my phone. I can’t.
Funerals. I am southern. In the south, we show respect with a covered dish and sitting with the family that has suffered loss. Since I am a southerner, a singer and a pianist, I could never begin to count how many funerals that I have attended. Now, funerals are harder than before. It is as if I am reliving Daddy’s funeral at every funeral. When will this stop? I have lost my ability to hold my emotions together to sing anymore, When will this improve? “Time heals all wounds.” Nope.
Tonight’s meltdown came after hearing of the passing of a young person’s mother. I am not proud of this, but I oftentimes find myself angry or jealous of people who still have their parents well into their 90’s. I lost my daddy at 73. I feel cheated. Then, I am reminded that others have it even harder than I do. My heart aches for these young ones that have lost their mom. Life is short; shorter the older you get.
Today’s pain is nothing compared to the joy and happiness that we are offered through Jesus in eternity. When the heartache hits me as it so often does, I am reminded that God is the Father to the fatherless. He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother. Those daily talks I had with my daddy are being replaced with daily talks with the Lord. I don’t get it right most of the time, but I am improving. Thankfully, God is listening and prompting me to listen. The Holy Spirit is interceding when all I have are groans and tears. Tonight, I have the tears. Tonight, I want to dial the phone and hear daddy say, “Well, hello Bethie.” God knows. He sees and hears my hurt. He sees and hears your hurt.
If you have never accepted Jesus as your Savior, He is still waiting for you. Nothing is too big for Him to forgive. The payment was made for those sins on the cross for you. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 I pray you will seek Him today. “Time heals all wounds.” Nope. Jesus does.